Marriage Myths-Part 4: The Fallacy of Falling Out of Love
Recently a friend of mine was asked to perform an arrangement written for a clarinet, viola, and the piano, at a public function hundreds of people would be attending. A part of him was thrilled, flattered by the offer. Another part of him, as he put it, sent him “screaming into an inner closet!”
You see, though my friend had in his teenage years mastered the clarinet having played in the orchestra, the marching band, the concert band, and the jazz band, he had since neglected the gift of talent he had once rejoiced in and, except for an occasional moment or two of nostalgia, had not played in more than 40 years.
After accepting the gracious invitation he found that his attempts to play were slow and painful, interrupted by the most horrendous and nonmusical of sounds. While sympathetic with his situation I must admit to enjoying a little laughter at his expense. But reflecting on his plight, I started thinking of people who had lost a gift they once possessed in their lives. Even more telling, I have heard people speak of having lost the love of a spouse or for a spouse, saying they have “fallen out of love.”
So had my friend “fallen” out of talent for playing the clarinet? I think through neglect and thoughtlessness he had not kept it tuned, and had lost his edge, but I submit not his talent. He had not practiced and nourished his musical gift. Just as it was the musical squawks and squeaks that brought to him the sounds of rusty abilities, is it not to be expected that a neglected relationship will produce its share of painful off-key notes evidenced by fighting, criticizing, and complaining?
At LIFE it is our firm belief that love and relationships take practice, fuel, and care. Perhaps you have sometime resumed a long neglected hobby, sport, or task and have felt the screaming of long-neglected muscles.
Do you remember during your courtship the hours you spent on the phone, the obsession, the meticulous care you showed to your appearance and behavior as you created a loving caring, and exciting relationship? The dedication must have paid off for you at one time, or you would not be looking for that same feeling again!
Though the hormones may have been in full bloom at the time, they did not account for the success. The creativity and effort you put into building a warm and trusting relationship was rewarded. You might now be relating to the pain my friend felt for neglecting his music, or the pain you felt as you realized the time that had lapsed since your last encounter with your muscles; and realize these truths also apply to the disappointment and loneliness you are perhaps now be feeling in your marriage.
At LIFE we believe in miracles. We believe that with new skills, sound principles, and some fun and dedicated time together you can once again hear and experience the sweet harmonies that once defined your earlier years of marriage. You can find new wisdom and gain the power that will allow you to forevermore nurture your relationship and keep it strong and healthy.
At our Trainings and Retreats we create an environment within which couples heal, reestablish trust, and communicate from their hearts. Our couples experience the joys of reconnection and discover a new and vibrant melody in their lives.
Oh, by the way it is our experience that the hormones are still there, perhaps rearranged and somewhat dormant, but none the less there. With new trust and a reawakening of forgotten or deeply buried feelings, the deep attraction to one another and feelings of closeness will return. A depth of love you have only dreamed of will emerge and you will enjoy the fruits of your “practice” and commitment.
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