Whether you’re newly married or you’ve been married for 15 years, boundaries can be an important part of a thriving, healthy relationship. Couples who understand how to implement appropriate boundaries in their marriage will find themselves feeling that sense of security and trustworthiness needed in a relationship at all times. Remember, the ultimate goal of boundaries is not to keep you apart from one-another, but to bring you together in safe and healthy ways.
Are you new to what boundaries are and how they can help your marriage? The following five points will give you a basic grasp of what they are and how to set them based on your marriage and what you’re currently going through:
1. Know What Boundaries Are
A boundary is a rule of sorts designed to protect you and keep you safe from another person’s potentially
harmful behavior. Boundaries are not set lightly or on a whim, but when you set a boundary thatis appropriate for the circumstances, you’re creating a safe
and permissible way for other people to behave towards you. You’re defining what is and isn’t okay for your personal wellbeing when it comes to people interacting with you.
In addition to dealing with physical associations with other people, boundaries also encompass the psychological, spiritual, and mental aspects of life that include your beliefs, emotions, intuitions, and self-esteem. In other words, a boundary isn’t limited to you and another person. You can set a boundary with yourself, whether it’s not allowing yourself to think negative things about your image or not letting yourself eat certain foods that will harm your health.
One aspect of setting boundaries that people often overlook is knowing how you will respond when someone steps past those boundaries. A boundary means nothing if there’s not some sort of repercussion when that boundary has been crossed. It’s also very important to understand that boundaries should be put in place to protect you and not to control or change your spouse. They should not be used as a form of punishment or revenge or a way to get back at your spouse for something. Boundaries are strictly for creating strength, peace, and safety for your emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing.
- Set Them Based on Recurring Issues
For the sake of the article, let’s focus on physical boundaries put in place between you and your spouse. If your spouse has a behavior that’s hurting you in any way, boundaries are a necessary step in restoring trust and safety. Here are some examples of hurtful behavior in marriage and any relationship:
- Extremely controlling
- Anger management problems
- Sexual addictions
- Physical and emotional abuse
Before setting a boundary, you first need to address the problem. Acknowledging what the issue is will help you know what sort of boundary and consequence (if the boundary is broken) to set. The boundary should be related to what the offending action is. If your spouse has a sex addiction, a boundary could be not allowing alone time on the computer at night or while he’s home alone. An unrelated boundary would be not allowing him to eat dessert or his favorite food simply because it’s a sort of consequence. Keep in mind that while boundaries are meant to help and protect you, they can also help the offender see what he or she’s doing to hurt you, which is why boundaries are so important.
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