Perhaps, like me, you have received some extra-special Christmas gifts: A favorite doll, the perfect bike, or the fashionable jeans you wore until they were ragged. When I was 9 and everything I held dear was about army and battle Mom and Dad gave me a toy machine gun mounted on a tripod that I […]
As mentioned in our last posting, while every struggling couple is unique, they do seem to share several common yearnings. We wrote last time of every person’s desire for emotional connection. In this posting we will briefly consider the challenge and opportunity of repairing eroded trust. Trust is one of the cornerstones of any successful […]
Couples who call LIFE Marriage Retreats looking for help for their struggling family relationships are all unique in the details of their marital and family obstacles, yet virtually all of them share some common yearnings for their desired ideal relationship: Emotional Connection Repair of eroded Trust Healing of Resentment and Hurt (with Forgiveness being a […]
In the old television series (and later a movie) Dragnet, Detective Joe Friday was always demanding that witnesses cut through the fluff, feelings, and speculation in their statements and just “stick to the facts.” Do your conversations with your partner often turn into competitions over who has the most facts and data to support their […]
While there are many potential joys in marriage there are always some marauding predators lurking about prepared to take a bite out of the happiness, trust, and security of our relationship. One of the most common is Negativity. Our relationships tend to start with very positive views and opinions of one another, almost as if […]
We recently worked with a couple who had just completed a relatively demanding experiential activity that required significant teamwork and communication. They had some bad moments during the activity, falling back into old patterns of behavior and both of them were feeling upset with themselves and each other. This couple had felt that the activity […]
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked […]
Some time ago Margo and I were working with Sarah and Jeremy at a LIFE Couples Retreat. Their perspectives of one another had, through their years of struggle, shrunk ever narrower until they saw only the negatives in their partner. To help them begin the process of broadening perspective we asked Sarah to name two […]
The story is told of a wife growing more and more frustrated over her husband, Harvey’s, progressive hearing loss. She insisted he go to the doctor for tests and hearing aids but he claimed nothing was wrong and refused to go (you know how it can be with prideful men). She called the doctor and […]
I have been thinking a lot lately about three little tools. In fact, they cross my mind nearly every time I help a couple to communicate better with one another. They are to Mirror, Validate, and Empathize. The bottom line to understand about communication is that people want to be heard. That is why we […]