While there are many potential joys in marriage there are always some marauding predators lurking about prepared to take a bite out of the happiness, trust, and security of our relationship. One of the most common is Negativity. Our relationships tend to start with very positive views and opinions of one another, almost as if […]
We recently worked with a couple who had just completed a relatively demanding experiential activity that required significant teamwork and communication. They had some bad moments during the activity, falling back into old patterns of behavior and both of them were feeling upset with themselves and each other. This couple had felt that the activity […]
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked […]
Some time ago Margo and I were working with Sarah and Jeremy at a LIFE Couples Retreat. Their perspectives of one another had, through their years of struggle, shrunk ever narrower until they saw only the negatives in their partner. To help them begin the process of broadening perspective we asked Sarah to name two […]
The story is told of a wife growing more and more frustrated over her husband, Harvey’s, progressive hearing loss. She insisted he go to the doctor for tests and hearing aids but he claimed nothing was wrong and refused to go (you know how it can be with prideful men). She called the doctor and […]
I have been thinking a lot lately about three little tools. In fact, they cross my mind nearly every time I help a couple to communicate better with one another. They are to Mirror, Validate, and Empathize. The bottom line to understand about communication is that people want to be heard. That is why we […]
From Biblical Proverbs to Shakespearean plays to common modern idioms we can find wise counsel that the outcome of any event is most dependent on how it starts. Even rappers know this truth–” You know where it ends yo, it usually depends on where you start!” (“What It’s Like;” Everlast) A common mistake in marriages […]
One of the key moments in any marriage struggling to get better comes when one partner or both begins to seriously consider a certain relationship conundrum or paradox. The paradox is this: To truly find joy in a relationship, we must feel accepted and offer our partner acceptance. Yet we are fallible humans who make […]
The song “Love is a Rose” by Neil Young has always been one of my favorites. I mention it now because of a truth that it speaks to me. The song begins, “Love is a rose, but you better not pick it. It only grows when it’s on the vine. Handful of thorns and you’ll […]
At our LIFE Marriage Retreats Margo and I describe to couples the way we envision a conflict or issue we are dealing with. Rather than allowing the issue to come between us as something to be fought over, leading to a struggle to prove ourselves right, we instead work to envision ourselves on the same […]